Tuesday night

Busy. Went grocery shopping after work. Cleaned out cat box. Pan-broiled a thick, jumbo top sirloin steak for lunch (at least 2 days' worth) (2.40 lbs. on sale for $3.99/lb.). Rubbed it with fresh garlic first and let it warm up to room temperature before I fried it in olive oil and a little sea salt. Afterward I rubbed it with more garlic and butter and ground fresh pepper over it. Cooked perfectly. First I browned each side on high, then lowered the heat to 4 and cooked 5 minutes on each side. Then let it rest 10 minutes before slicing in two. Medium rare. Half is going to work tomorrow. It's a lot of steak, enough for lunch and a snack later in the afternoon. Can't wait to taste it. Will bring Publix steak sauce to work. Tastes just like A-1 but it's a lot cheaper. Actually my favorite steak sauce is Bearnaise. Haven't made that in years, not since before B. left. It's not difficult. I use Julia Child's recipe from The French Chef Cookbook (based on her first TV show), with dried tarragon and shallots.

I'll be taking the desktop computer up the road to Office Depot. They're one of HP's "Partners". Got them off the HP link the online tech guy gave me last night.

I've beaten myself up so much over the situation with B., but when I now look at it realistically, I see there's nothing that I could have done better to make things turn out differently -- to "save" him from the druggie world* -- since he couldn't resist going back on the drugs, at least not after he was aggressively "pushed" back into doing them (and pushed away from me). He should have had a lot more rehab than he did. (What little he did have had a positive effect.) Now I have to put all that aside and concentrate on me. Plus I have the cats and my job. And my backup computer. Thank God for that! (It seems I've lost my friend in Canada, however. Not my doing. Claudette Colbert has flown the coop.)

I guess I'm (albeit) slowly getting over this pain. That's good. I see progress for me.

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*although maybe at some point I'd just become exhausted dealing with it and just wanted it all to end, and so stopped trying. It was really getting to me and was threatening my ability to get up and go to work in the morning. Also, I was having problems with my shoulder, which turned out to have a calcium deposit in the joint and which was causing a lot of pain, to the point where I stopped going to the gym and bought a new bed and pillows. (This problem eventually only became worse and I ended up having it taken care of by an orthopedic surgeon, after B. had gone.) Meanwhile, however, it was all about B.